Compassionate Crowd Control

Living in a hospital is like living without a front door - staff, family and friends tend to walk in without notice. Haley always welcomed visitors, and during the last weeks of her life, many people came to spend time with her in her hospital room. But there were days when her physical state prevented her from being able to appreciate a visit, whether she was tired, uncomfortable, or in pain. Although Haley and I never shared this dilemma with anyone, Lois from Child Life stopped by one day with an unexpected suggestion, phrased in the most compassionate way. She entered with her usual greeting of “Hello Beautiful,” then proceeded with “Haley, I love visiting you every day. And I know that lots of people who work here like to visit you every day too. And then, of course, you have your family and friends who would also like to see you, and when I thought about it, I realized that’s a lot of people! I can only imagine how overwhelming that could be, and you might not always feel like visiting!”

Lois then offered a solution - she asked if she might create a sign for Haley’s door, asking all “visitors,” whether they worked at the hospital or not, to kindly stop at the unit desk just outside our room to ask it Haley was up for a visit. The person at the desk would then check with Haley and let the visitor know if it was a good time or not. It was a perfect solution to a problem that we had not even registered as such, and Lois’ “crowd control” allowed us a bit of privacy in a place that usually operates on an open door policy and saved us from having to say no to a visitor. It was also a reminder to me of how Haley’s care went far beyond simply meeting her medical needs and looked at her as a whole person.